we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize