In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
