Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
