You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
