This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
