I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
