So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
