I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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