weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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