im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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