on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
