Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
