i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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