Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
