it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize