Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
two words: eviction party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
