We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
