I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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