Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize