My nipple is on Facebook.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
