At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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