She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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