Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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