You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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