Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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