Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
