Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
