I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
