So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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