so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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