I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
