im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
