They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize