You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize