its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
