dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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