dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
