Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
