tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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