waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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