hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
