the condom got lost in my hair
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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