I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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