No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
