So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i believe in u and ur pee
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
