Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize