and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
