I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
