We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
