Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize