come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize