Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize