sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
