Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
