Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
