she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
