every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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