Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize