i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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