I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
