She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
