if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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