I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
