sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
