Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
