I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize