My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
