My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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