Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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