You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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