8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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