you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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