u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
