He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
