Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize