I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
