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walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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