you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She announced her abortion via fbk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
