WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
