Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
