He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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