I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
