Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
