i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
