Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My bed smells like the plague
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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