Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
