he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want nice things and good sex
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
