just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
