Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
